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Good day.
Sorry.
I would like... I'd like...
Brother, what are you mumbling about?
Brother?
Where were you?
At the pub.
I was waiting for them to open.
Couldn't you buy the morning beer in a bottle?
I was waiting for them to open to let me out.
What were you doing?
Not sure, exactly.
Why is God punishing me?
Why, Why?
Where are you going?
Somewhere to hide.
I don't know where.
Could you leave me here, bro?
I would scoot somewhere and...
You'll scoot right behind the counter and work until you black out.
You don't have a heart.
I didn't stop all night, I don't even know who I am.
You are my brother, your name is Ozzák, I employ you, and you got to work four hours late.
I thought this place looked familiar.
Removes even the most stubborn stains.
Coffee, tea, chocolate, blood, grass, raspberries, butterfat, red wine, fuel oil.
It seems that Ozzák came up with something more resilient.
Iva, are you done?
The hit-charade is really glossy from over here.
No, dad.
Nobody is sitting here until it's dry.
Couldn't something be done?
Yes.
Buy a new one.
I thought about using a hairdryer or something.
You also don't have to watch every pop fossil.
I hope you're not referring to me.
No, thankfully your songs have long been forgotten.
You'd be surprised. Píšová from the fourth floor was whistling "Vsákneš se do mě jako déšť."
She even has me in her collection of old records.
She's interested.
Iva, she is sixty-five years old.
Same as this sofa.
Do you know how much dust it accumulated over the years?
You always say that when you're cleaning it.
Today is the last time I'm saying it.
Seriously?
Because I'm cleaning her for the last time.
It will not be here tomorrow.
Wait, but Ivuško, you know our financials.
CDs are not selling much these days.
And are you surprised?
We don't have customers.
Whoever strays to us by chance, Ozzák deals with.
I will have to talk to him about that.
This morning, he didn't even know his name.
Well.
Simona said she fell asleep under the ju-box.
And when she was mopping, she mixed him up with an old bundle of rags, so he stayed there.
What about the sofa?
Okay, fine, if we find something that is affordable...
Well then, go on.
A new furniture store.
The only way to get it cheaper is the landfill.
It's still beyond our options...
Hey, a social program.
Our special series emphasize low prices while using only slightly toxic materials.
Produced in countries of the third world, with child labor constituting at most five percent.
Good day, Mr. Pacovský.
Do you know whether the new Eva Farna's out yet?
Moment, Lexa, you know the rules.
Come on, Mr. Pacovsky, have mercy.
I've had a bad day.
So am I, but the rules are the rules.
Music is like a gun, they won't give it to anyone.
They do at Bontonland.
No wonder that they're going downhill.
First,
show me how to threaten.
Lexa?!
You scared off my sister.
You have a sister?
Bring her over sometime.
I bring her constantly, but you never notice.
Well, I had a tough night, she must have slipped my mind.
She's pretty quiet.
Our head teacher introduced her as a new student three times this year.
Yeah.
Anyway, who were we talking about?
Doesn't matter.
Second.
Mr. Pacovský, just tell me if the new Eva Farna was released.
Quiet!
Second.
How many members did Led Zeppelin have in their original lineup?
Why do I have to know all this?
So that you become a man.
And what about Eva Farna?
She won't become a man.
Is it out yet?
It is, why?
Awesome, thanks!
I'll go download it.
Download.
A cruel punishment.
Considering her music, it's probably deserved.
I'm telling you, it seems small.
It's just right.
You've seen me measure it several times.
Exactly.
Ozzák, why are you not in the shop?
Afternoon break.
It's 4:30 PM.
Nevermind, step aside, we're assembling the new sofa.
Wait!
There used to be a sofa here.
I had a dent in it.
Where is it?
We're not telling you, you'd bring it back.
Brother, I stored many important things in it.
For example, that shirt I had on in Budapest when Mercury patted me on the back.
I took all of those out and put the washed shirt in the cupboard.
What?
You washed it?
Iva, for God's sake.
One day, that shirt was to be an endowment.
It won't have any value washed.
It will be enough knowing it's yours.
Wait, wait.
Wait.
There was one more really important thing.
Damn it, I can't remember.
What a bad day.
Give it time, brother, you didn't even remember your name this morning.
Ozzák.
Anyway.
Where did you get this?
In the new Finnish shop.
They have lots of pretty things there.
And also a few cheap ones.
Ugly ones.
You wanted this one.
No, I wanted a larger one.
No, Ferivachtivachta was the bigger one and it was too expensive.
Yeah, but it was beautiful.
Considering the price, this sofa is gorgeous.
At least it's washable.
I think it's alright.
Ivuška?
What does imbus mean in Finnish?
There must be a dictionary here somewhere.
Ouch!
Paper cut.
Jesus Christ, give it.
Good day!
My mom is sending Saša to thank you for the sofa.
Wouldn't it be enough for just Saša to come?
Saša is shy.
Wow!
Is this the new futon?
Could I help you to assemble it?
No.
Well, if you want.
Good day, Mr. Pacovský, my mom sent me.
Thank you for the sofa.
And?
That's it.
Yes, well, it might be older but it's still functional.
Great.
One more over there.
Here, here also.
Here.
Ouch!
Ow!
Damn, back pain.
And I have to go to the store anyway, so, see you for now.
I think you kids will do great.
I'm making Lexa the leader, I'm going.
Ouch, ow, my back, my back.
What's happening here?
Him!
What?
Snitch!
Ozzák, what is the meaning of this?
He wanted Zagorová.
And why was he crying?
I played him some Metallica to change his mind.
Ozzáku, this has to stop.
You will be selling people what they want.
For God's sake, where is the cash register?
Well you said that I should sell people what they want, right?
A guy came by and said that he really likes it.
So I sold it to him.
It was a great deal.
It had five hundred in it and he gave me a thousand.
I should have asked for more, huh?
Brother, you're acting like a lunatic.
Why did you get so hammered at the pub yesterday?
Because your song was playing the whole evening.
Jako déšť?
From the radio?
From the Ju-box.
Some hag put in five hundred and it looped the entire evening.
She's at fault.
I had to get through it somehow.
Excuse me?
I would like to remind you that that song got us this shop.
A music store?
Brother, you can't buy music.
Yes, not here, with your attitude we should just close.
Really?
That would really come in handy.
I'm parched, you know.
No pub.
You always say that when you run out of arguments.
What are you doing, Lexa?
Assembling the sofa.
Move.
That's also an option.
You know what, Lexa?
Go sit down, this is a work for a man or a woman.
You're too stupid for a woman and too young for a man.
I'm three minutes older than my sister.
Lexa, boys grow up slower than girls.
It's not about speed, but about quality.
Unfortunately, neither worked in your case.
For your information, I have pubes.
You'll soak into to me like rain and I'll soak to you,
you won't find such happiness.
Even if you went all the way to heaven,
until you carry me off like a hurricane.
Simona, you're playing my songs when you're alone?
No, it's still going from yesterday.
A woman pre-ordered it a hundred times.
Ah yeah, Ozzák said something about a fan.
No, this is unbearable.
You sound just like Ozzák.
Ozzák has a deeper voice, a mustache, and owes me three hundred.
I will pay.
Leave it, that's for the sofa.
Listen, did your ex really take everything?
No, only what could be sold.
He left Lexa, Saša and the built-in wardrobes.
Good day, Mr. Pacovsky.
Hello.
Hi, mom.
Hey.
Mom, I need advice.
So do I.
What's up?
Mom, do you think I'm a man?
You have pubes.
Then it's simple.
Pick up a girl,
have two kids, then move in with some floozy with all the furniture.
I have the problem even picking up a girl.
Don't look at me, I haven't seen a girl in ages.
Right, Simona?
So, Lexa, being a man is tough.
Right, that's why I brought a book.
Mistake number one.
A man never reads.
But this is a Handbook for the modern man.
That doesn't mean you have to read all of it.
Ozzák and the table of contents are enough.
Greet me.
Good day.
Jesus Christ Lexa.
Try this.
Good, that's more like it.
Moving on.
Dining.
I'll teach you to eat beer.
But my mom forbade that.
Excellent.
Ozzák's rule number one:
A man always listens to his mother.
Moving on.
Behavior towards the female sex.
You're too young for that.
Let's start with behavior toward females in general.
Opening doors.
That's clear.
If you don't open it, they won't leave.
Hygiene.
I don't know what that is.
Probably some foul disease.
And that's it?
No!
Now comes the most important part.
Lexa,
what music do men listen to?
Hey, Eva Farna!
Black Sabbath?
Yes!
Excellent!
You can call me Ozzák from now on!
Mr. Ozzák, am I a man now?
A man doesn't ask.
A man knows.
I said it would be too small.
At least we'll be closer to one another.
You're sitting next to Ozzák.
Hey, brother.
Come on, relax.
I want the old one back.
Considering the price, I like it.
But I liked the old one.
This one is like
Abba.
But nobody cares about my opinion in this family.
I work like a dog the whole day...
Right, you worked for a grand total of two hours.
And when I get home, I don't even have a place to sit.
Okay, I'll move.
All right, okay.
It's your fault.
If you didn't scare off customers, we'd have a beautiful yellow Ferivachtivachta.
Who cares about your vachta?
I want my dent.
Where even is the old sofa?
With good people.
Perhaps they could give it back.
We'll trade it for this one.
No way.
Ivuška?
Don't you remember how we played on it together?
How you were constantly jumping on it?
I only remember jumping around it with the vacuum cleaner.
Brother, things change.
But why always for the worse?
Why did Brychta have to leave Arakajn?
Why did you leave the Cuttlefish?
What's Cuttlefish?
The band that could have changed everything.
The Cuttlefish was Ozzák with a drumset.
Why?
Because I was exploited, betrayed and discarded by my own singer.
Don't listen to him, the singer had a good reason to leave.
Money.
Jesus Christ brother, it didn't go anywhere, no concerts, we always played in the basement and the old Přiklopil used to call the cops on us every 30 minutes.
Brácha, you don't even remember. It was a revolution.
Songs like Denaturát.
And the ungodly single-cymbal solo.
He sold the rest for booze.
And the chorus, brother...
You had it in you.
Denaturáááááát......
Wow, dad, I didn't know you sang something besides disco.
He used to.
But only after, when he sold out.
Because I had enough, I wanted to live a normal life.
A normal life?
Is this is a normal life?
Brother, I really feel like a guest here.
You came here sixteen years ago just for a week until you find something.
I came to help you.
With what?
With the upbringing of our daughter Iva.
Our?
Iva is my daughter.
But who took care of her?
Who taught her to go?
Me.
To concerts?
She was the youngest Rockfest participant in 1993.
You took her to Rockfest at age one?
She only drank draught.
And what do I have to show for it?
I changed her dipers, it took me four years to learn.
I used to read her fairy tales, make toys, and even taught her how to read.
A is for Alcohol, B is for Brutus, C is for Citrón.
I also took her to first grade.
But in October.
And where did I end up?
On the floor.
Okay, go look for, I don't know, an armchair.
And with what?
What do you mean with what?
Figure it out, I don't know, find something for free.
D is for Debustrol, E is for Echti, F is for, for, for...
Fernet...
Fernet! F is for fernet,
Did you see that, Mr. Ozzák?
What?
Well your music works.
I've barely started playing it and girls are already banging on my door.
That's normal.
What are you doing?
Looking for an armchair.
Armchair?
A man probably needs one, right?
You know it.
We only have an old and ugly sofa.
Don't need that, need an armchair.
What will it be like?
Black.
Black and dangerous.
Where can something like that be found?
Metloš knows.
Metloš.
That's a man's name.
My friend, it's the toughest guy in this entire country.
And the armchair I'm talking about hasn't been sat in since 2002.
What happened?
Brichta left Arakain.
When they released "Trash the Trash," Metloš made a throne for Brichta, the metal king.
But the armchair later rejected Aleš.
Why?
He released "Tenhle barák na vodstřel."
The armchair bit him.
It bit through his leather pants and gave him rabies.
Wow, that's a really manly piece of furniture.
Look, here it is, Metloš's contact information.
Daily at The Sparrows', Thursdays at The Tiger.
And Mr. Ozzák, can I be a man even without an armchair?
Lexo, again?!
Damn.
Ouch!
It bit me.
Nonsense.
It's just an armchair.
Or something related.
Huh!
What in God's name is this?
Ozzák found an armchair.
Just as you said.
It looks like a member of the gestapo.
He could have brought something worse.
It's looking at me.
We won't be able to invite anyone over.
Besides Eva Brown.
Morning!
Wow!
Respect, Metloš!
Where is Mr. Ozzák?
What do you want?
I'd like to ask him about something.
No!
Nevermind.
Can I try it out?
Be careful, it bites!
Go ahead, you've got about a minute.
Before Mr. Ozzák gets here?
Before that thing leaves the house.
It actually bit me.
I told you.
Don't be stupid, it's just a chair.
Did it burn through my pants?
What if it has rabies?
Oh wow, damn, that's a man's place.
Wait, wait, wait, Lexa.
It's not your time yet.
Ozzák, that thing is leaving.
So I can't even bring anything into our house?
This is my house.
You always say that when you run out of arguments.
He told him to get an armchair.
An armchair, not a Nosferatu vampire!
This doesn't fit in here at all!
Brother, this chair was looking for me my whole life.
My whole life.
Out.
You wouldn't throw out such a valuable piece of furniture, would you?
Do you mean to say that that atrocity cost something?
Brother, its value can't be measured in money.
In what then?
Metloš calculated it in CDs.
In what CDs?
In the vast majority of CDs in the shop.
Out!
He had a bad day.
He's been having had a bad day for the last sixteen years.
Ivo, this has to stop.
What do you want to do about it?
Dad?
You're not serious.
Ivo, I like Ozzák, but look where we are.
A shop without CDs, an empty bank account.
Mr. Ozzák, Saša found something that probably belongs to you.
Where is Mr. Ozzák?
Where is the armchair?
Show me, give it here.
Hey, old records, we could sell that.
Never.
This is important.
Uncle,
look what Sara found in the sofa.
How could I have forgotten?
Well I remembered immediately, this is the fairy tale you made me.
Alright, come on.
A tale about prince Debustrol and the valiant Kiss
went to slay a dragon.
A ghost.
Right, they went to slay a ghost, only with a red hat.
I bet you don't remember how it ended.
Brave Debustrol rescued Lady Jane and they lived happily ever after at the Hotel California.
Then the bell rang and the fairy tale was done.
Uncle, you're crazy.
And a lullaby.
She's asleep!
Where did you get that?
I went to see Píšová and asked her for her records collection.
Howver, I had to make the ultimate sacrifice.
Brother?
Are you crazy? She's sixty five.
I had to watch the Best Of Ein Kessel Buntes.
Wasn't it great when when she was still a kid?
Yes, it was.
Since then, my hangovers have gotten so much worse.
No doubt.
And what's this?
A golden record for "Jako Déšť".
Well I took everything that I could get.
This song is the reason, along with the woman who kept playing it at The Badger.
Jesus what's your deal? It's relatively good.
Relatively.
Every time I hear it, I'm reminded of our crippled Cuttlefish.
Jesus, the Cuttlefish wouldn't have lasted long, you and I are too different.
That's why this shop is called At the Two Chords.
I thought it was because yours songs used only two chords.
If I hadn't left the Cuttlefish, I wouldn't have gone to the Děčín Anchor.
If I hadn't gone to the Děčín Anchor, I wouldn't have met Kristýna.
And if I didn't know Kristyna, I wouldn't have... We wouldn't have Iva.
Hey... did she really only drink draught when at Rockfest?
Who do you think I am?
So who will carry her upstairs?
Listen, I really pulled my back when carrying that sofa...
Jesus Christ, she's 16, I think she can walk on her own.
Ivuška, wake up, we're going home.
Well, we'll go home too.
Let's go.
God damn...
My back...
Jesus Christ!
It fits in much better, right?
Morning.
You?
That's the woman that caused it all!
Who?
The one that was playing my brother's song the whole evening at The Badger!
And you're the lying hobo who said he's the brother of Tomáš Pascovský.
Hang on, that's true though.
And this is the shop of the Pacovský brothers.
Can I help you?
Oh.
Yes, you can.
I'm afraid we can't.